A Religious Scientist That Survived PTSD

When I was 15 years old, I converted to Christ (about a year later I was baptized in a Baptist church).

The mother attacked me in various ways, I suffered beating and hunger as a punishment for being a “sectarian” (in Russia smaller religious group that they call “sectarians” are hated, Russian employers have (illegal) tradition to fire sectarians, but that it is illegal probably does not matter, because judges are Russians, too). She even damaged my head hitting it by a big frying pan 3–4 times during a few days or weeks. I suffered several years of hunger and had literally no pocket money at all (I received about 1/4–1/8 of what I need for food, with the command to use it for food only).

So, PTSD.

Because, breaking my head and other tortures were making me mad, and a madman cannot follow Christian commandments, I sought a way to adapt my religion to this situation. If it does not work in some situation, then it is a worthless religion, because the will of God should never fail.

After many years, I invented a new religion. Now I am not under the obligation to confess Christ or tell anything about my faith. In fact, I am allowed everything. Reformulating the last phrase a mathematically equivalent way, I am not allowed by my conscience only what I myself consider evil.

Because of the fear of hunger, I left study in a university. This worked: as a result of a chain of events, I received a mental health disability and therefore am not dying of hunger anymore. By the way, government psychiatry system (in Russia where I was and in Israel where I am) failed completely: They believed my mother that she didn’t torture me (she really believes that she didn’t, because she consider herself a good woman and a good woman would not do this) and instead of helping me with my PTSD, diagnosed me with schizophrenia. Is important that they took the role of a court and gave me a bad diagnosis? Not much, the modern schizophrenia treatment pills really help me to restrain my hate to the mother (with which I still live together) and offence to the system that threw me outside academia, with all its opportunities, grants, and sources of money.

So, I kept doing my mathematical research despite of exiting the academia. I did super-important discoveries. But I published it in a wrong way. As a result, most of the future science became non-discoverable (at least until my discoveries will be (if any) re-published).

Now to steal money, or for example, like Raskolnikov, kill some rich person and get his/her money and put it into my scientific fund would be a good deal, because everybody needs (but only I know that you need, see below) to save science from mis-publication of my discoveries by putting money into my scientific fund. But remember that I have PTSD. Patients’ with PTSD brains are perceiving the traumatic situation as the normal and try to decline the usual non-traumatic reality into the same state as during their trauma. For this reason, I don’t steal, because I was forbidden to steal while I was a Baptist (that is during the traumatic stress).

I remind that I had zero pocket money. After this PTSD I need to learn live anew. I was not skilled to use personal money. About a year ago I delivered my money to fraudsters and by their recommendation even got a debt. (That because accordingly my PTSD traumatic situation, any chance to get more money than I have would be a good opportunity, because having zero, loss is impossible.) As a result, I worked several months at a factory. (By the way, I found myself to be a quite bad factory worker.) So, if you were giving me a million dollars before that even, I would probably got two millions debt in a bank, and then would die of hunger. Now, I passed this real-life situation, and I think, I learned to use money more wisely, not only in theory but in practice, too.

Because of extreme importance of my math discoveries and also because they are missing in scientific databases, but self-published in Internet, preventing their re-publication even if re-discovered, like missing cup of water in a wilderness that costs a billion dollars, my discoveries cost for world economy something about 50 trillion dollars or more: the half or even more of the economy.

Now, if you donate to my nonprofit for my publicity of scientific discoveries, you may get back more than you paid, because you grow the entire world economy maybe two times or so by giving chance to publish my “missing” works.

What kind of mental heath issues prevents you to donate?

P.S. I am now building my own social network. I hope to get rich. Pray for me to be rich enough to save you from economic failure. Wait, if you confess Christ as the source of your good but still don’t start to good deeds, you are still unsaved. If you pray for me to be rich but don’t donate, you still don’t love me (and are likely unsaved).